Everything Goes @ Once: July 2025

SEAB – Wow! You all showed up. Fred would be pleased. I know many of you folks and some of you I’ve heard stories about. I’m Steve, Fred’s friend and brother-in-law. On behalf of Fred's family, we'd like to thank you all for being here. You’re here today because you knew Fred, you loved Fred or Fred owed you money. I owe Fred so much. If there was no Fred and Steve, there would be no Steve and Kathy. Considering that we are going on 40 years together, that's a big debt I owe.

KEB - So, maybe some of you are asking why Bill Gray’s? As Fred was sent home on palliative care and then transitioned to home hospice care, we thankfully had a couple of weeks to talk and reminisce. If you knew Fred, you knew he’d never pass up a trip to Bill Gray’s. As we were talking, he would say you know I don’t want anything fancy or formal, right? We’re like yes, we know, it will be an informal party celebrating you. After he passed, we broached the idea of Bill Gray’s with his partner, Nikka, and she was like “YES”. They came here so, so many times. And she and Fred also enjoyed walking the pier while Nikka was taking pictures. All of this is to say, this was one of Fred’s happy places, and we’re grateful to celebrate him during what would have been his 62nd birthday week. And since Nikka’s birthday was yesterday, we are also celebrating her and her love and devotion to Fred.

SEAB - Like many of you, my life with Fred began at Wegmans. I was working at the Culver Road store, now long defunct. I noticed him when he would come in as a customer with his big boots, long skinny legs, short body and a mop of blond hair. To quote our niece when she was looking through very old pictures, “Uncle Fred had hair?!!” Yes, he did! Fred came in almost daily to buy his diet pop and he was also looking for a job. He was hired a few months after me, and we became fast friends. I was new in town and didn't know anybody and he had just moved back to Rochester from Newark NY after High School. I had no friends in Rochester, and his best friend had tragically just passed. We bonded quickly. We shared a strong work ethic, a sense of humor, and as it turns out, a brain, but neither one of us could remember where we left it.

SEAB - I moved in with Fred, very fittingly, on April Fool’s Day 1982. My life has not been the same since. We were inseparable. Neither one of us had a car so we walked everywhere. We talked a lot on those walks. And discovered how much we had in common. We both loved music, photography, bad movies, comedy and he even taught me to love diet soda. We both loved the outdoors and would make many hikes and canoe trips including our 100-mile trek down the barge canal. Being seasoned watermen, we tried taking our trusty canoe "The Sea Nympho" on the white-water race in the spring when they'd open up the dam on Seneca lake to drain off the snow melt. We ended up in the prestigious DNF category. DNF means did not finish. We were voted "worst wreck of the race". I got 7 stitches and Fred, not to be outdone, broke his leg, Canoeing.

KEB - That was just one of the numerous ambulance rides Fred took over the years. With a show of hands, who here has taken Fred to, or visited Fred while he was in the hospital? As much as he hated the hospital, we know he always appreciated all the visits he got when he was in for one thing or another. Thank God for health insurance. Though Fred’s journey was marked by serious illness since childhood, he was such a fighter through so many health challenges, including his diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes at age 11, well before all the medical advances we see today. It was brutal in the 1970s to manage this insidious disease, especially as a child. He practiced his shots on oranges and self-testing was in its very primitive stages. Over the years Fred has been "treated and released" for broken bones, replaced joints, heart bypasses, diabetes and a double transplant plus too many other treatments and conditions to mention.

KEB – It was 1999 when Fred underwent his groundbreaking kidney/pancreas transplant. I distinctly remember the day we were meeting with his doctors and learned there was such an option as the K/P transplant. He wanted immediately to be removed from the “kidney only” list to the more experimental “kidney/pancreas” transplant that Strong Hospital had just begun doing. Once the doctors explained to Fred that IF (and this was the biggest IF ever) the K/P “took” he would no longer be insulin dependent. He heard nothing else. He knew it was riskier, and we were all scared for him. But there was no changing his mind. By the grace of God, there was eventually a donor match. As soon as the organs were placed in him, the pancreas began working. While no longer being diabetic, he was still to experience a life of harsh anti-rejection meds and hundreds upon hundreds of doctor, ER and hospital visits.

SEAB - Despite his new life, diabetes had taken a toll on his body. Eventually he couldn’t work anymore so he took early retirement from Wegmans and began another chapter in his life. The "camp" years. His Camps on Seneca Lake became his new happy place. He would spend every moment he could there. Camp was also in close proximity to Watkins Glen which was ideal for Fred's other passion: Cars. Fred owned a Ford Mustang for almost as long as he had his license. He could and would talk cars with anyone with the same interest as well as those of us who weren't that into them. What his sisters wouldn’t give to hear one more time when we’d see a Mustang, “Mar – did you see the rims on that one?”! And he’d harangue his other sister by saying, Kath – how can you even see out this windshield?” As far as cars went, to Fred, cleanliness was next to godliness.

KEB - Fred loved a good party. He was front and center for some of our legendary gatherings at the house in Irondequoit. One day Steve overheard me talking about how it turns out, pools aren’t that difficult to maintain. Steve was like, umm, because you don’t have to do anything. Fred was obsessed with cleaning it and tweaking the chemistry. If Fred was home and it was summer, he was skimming and fussing with the pool water. It was always perfect and ready for a party thanks to him.

KEB - Fred also loved when our nieces and nephews were over, and our friends’ kids, because he was just a big kid himself. He’d start duals with pool noodles, execute one of his inevitable and intrusive cannon balls, enjoy all the very cool inflatables toys he “borrowed” from vendors, or be that uncle who chased you around while covering you from head to toe in silly string. And just add a firework or two and it was nirvana. We were all big kids at those times with Fred’s hijinks leading the way.

SEAB - Eventually, Fred's eyesight failed, another consequence of his juvenile diabetes, and he had to give up his license and his car. At this point he was dependent on his family and friends, and especially Nikka for getting him to where he needed to go whether it was his many doctor’s appointments, and of course to and from camp. Nikka can be credited for making the last almost 15 years of his life the best they could be, and we are very grateful to her. He was so proud of the second home they built at camp. Many of his fellow campers are here today and we thank you for your support and love of both Fred and Nikka.

KEB - Despite all his challenges, Fred lived each day with courage. He was a fighter; and to us he was a downright miracle. We’d whisper behind the scenes, will he see his 40th? Yes! His 50th? Heck yah! There was no way that in 1999 any of his doctors would have said, you will live to see your 6th decade. But they didn’t know our Fred. Despite the challenges he faced, he never let his illness define him. Instead, he chose to embrace life fully and just wanted to have FUN and keep moving to the next adventure. Fred also became a Buffalo Bills fan later in life. He, Nikka & Mary had great times watching the Bills become a winning team again. Think of Nikka & Mary as the Bills season starts up again. They will be missing him more than ever.

SEAB - When Fred and I first lived together there was a nice little bar located halfway between work and home. We spent many nights there drinking beer and enjoying really great chicken wings. They had a jukebox in the back of that bar and number B-13 was a song from a local band, Duke Jupiter. We pumped many quarters into that box to hear that song over and over. Raise your glasses everyone

I've seen the river

and I've seen the road.

I've never looked back

But I've always known

One day I'll see you again

I'll drink to you. I'll drink to you

Good bye buddy.

KEB - When it's our time to cross over to the other side, we’re just going to listen. We’re going to follow our ears to the sound of laughter because we know Fred is going to be in the middle of it. Rest in well-deserved peace, brother. You were one-of-a kind and we all miss you so much.